When Your Body Is Valued More Than Your Being

There comes a moment in life when you see people’s intentions with painful clarity. Not because you suddenly became wiser, but because the people around you stopped pretending. I went through a phase where I learned that some friends would eagerly spend money to view me in a sexual way, but would hesitate, avoid, or suddenly disappear when I needed help with something real. Something human. Something that wasn’t about desire, but about support. About being there for me as a person.

It is a strange kind of heartbreak when someone will pay to see your body but cannot be bothered to contribute even a small amount toward a debt you are drowning under. Or when they will admire your pictures in private, send inappropriate comments, fantasise about you, but will not support your art, your ambitions, your work, or the things you are desperately trying to build for yourself. It makes you question everything about your worth. It makes you wonder if the world finds your skin more valuable than your soul.

I remember staring at my phone once, looking at texts from people saying they would spend on me sexually, and right above it was a message I had sent asking for help with something important, something aching, something that terrified me. The silence in response was louder than any rejection. And in that moment, I felt myself shrink. I felt myself become small. I felt myself become an object rather than a person. And I hated that I could feel that. I hated that I allowed myself to believe it.

People who say they care will sometimes show you that they only care about the versions of you they can consume. The version that entertains them. The version that excites them. The version that benefits them. But the version of you that needs, hurts, struggles, cries, or asks for help often receives only disappointment in return. It is dehumanising. It is humiliating. It is the kind of emotional wound that makes you question whether you are loved or only desired.

There are nights when this sinks into your bones. When you lie awake thinking:

Is my body really the only valuable part of me?

Is my struggle invisible because it isn’t attractive?

Is my ambition less important than the fantasy they created of me?

You begin to wonder if you are worth anything beyond what people want to take from you. You start questioning whether your kindness, your art, your dreams, your work, your growth mean anything at all. You begin to internalise it, believing maybe you truly are easier to want physically than emotionally. And that kind of pain is not simple. It lingers. It bruises you in places no one can see.

But here is the truth I had to learn slowly and painfully. This kind of treatment says everything about them and nothing about your worth. People who only show up when they want something from you have never seen you as a full human being. People who ignore your struggles but respond instantly to your aesthetics are not your people. People who crave your body but cannot respect your boundaries, your art, or your dreams were never meant to stay.

And the ones who are meant to stay will show you the difference. They will ask about your mental health. They will help because they care, not because they gain. They will support your work, your projects, your life. They will value your creativity, not just your image. They will make you feel like a whole person, not a body to be consumed in silence.

If you have ever experienced this kind of pain, I want you to know something that took me years to understand. You are not asking for too much. You are not dramatic. You are not unworthy. You are simply surrounded, sometimes, by people who cannot love beyond superficial desire. But somewhere out there are people who will stand by you through debt, heartbreak, ambition, chaos, and creation. People who will value your being far above your beauty. People who will choose your humanity, not your body.

You deserve that.

You deserve to be seen.

You deserve to be supported.

You deserve to be valued for all that you are and all that you are trying to become.

And one day, the people who truly see you will make you wonder why you ever settled for less.